If Famous Writers Had Written Twilight

There are some funny ones, but this Douglas Adams sendup from the comments is my favorite:

“Bella, what would you say if I told you that I was not a teenager from The Forks but in fact a member of a clan of centuries-old vampires?”

Bella ran through a series of emotions, from utter confusion and incredulity to a slight tiredness, all the while trying to put on a facade of utter nonchalance at Edward’s question. To the casual observer, however, this conveyed merely boredom and slight constipation.

“I’m sorry, but did you say what I thought you said?”

It is, of course, true that words mean different things to different people. In one person’s mind, for example, the word “pirate” might suggest a dashing and amiable rogue of olden times who is more at home on the high seas, whereas to another person it might suggest a far less amiable sort to whom “dashing” meant “something he wants to do to your head, preferably against a rock,” and who is more at home with you being left on the high seas, preferably at its bottom. By the same token, Bella’s interpretation of the word “vampire” invoked a vaguely comical long-toothed character who avoided mirrors and ran around seducing women with a strong Romanian accent. This bore about as much resemblance to Edward Cullen as the Tasmanian Devil did to the spawn of Satan himself.

Edward had unruly hair and sparkled.

354 Notes/ Hide

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    Douglas Adams’ ghost just killed Stephenie Meyer.
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  20. revcleo reblogged this from getharion and added:
    I also would have read twilight in it’s entirety if it was written by Douglas Adams. RIP.
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    It makes me proud to see io9 links on my dash :P